Wednesday, June 9 (actually I don't know if it's the 9th or the 10th and I am too tired to get up and look). I want to record these early days of Scott being home with us so that one day we can read back over these writings and see how far we've come and how sufficient God's grace is to get us through this period. I so want to be able to post adorable pictures of all my children playing happily together and John and I looking anything other than totally exhausted! (Right now I can't post any pictures since he's on call again and still not home - 10:20pm -I'll add them later). Oh how my heart sank as I drove up into our driveway tonight at 8:50 with all 3 of my kids tired and needing a bath and John's car NOT in the driveway.

Enough whining. This has been a difficult day and looking back on it, it's probably more to do with me being very tired and OD'd on motherhood demands (that sounds awful and ungrateful) and less to do with Scott being so bad, he is not. Spending the last 3 nights in Scott's and Cooper's Vacation Bible School class has actually been an encouragement to me. One, Scott is handling a "classroom" setting fairly well (all things considered) and two, he by no means is the most uncooperative child in the class (and those other rambunctious boys can understand English!) He is beginning to see that there are enough snacks and crafts and toys to go around for everyone and he doesn't have to fight for it. Both he and Cooper were given a paper bag with their names on them filled with Bible verses and notes for parents, ect. Cooper didn't bother to bring hers in from the car. Scott clutched tightly to his and carried it to bed with him. The next morning, he misplaced his bag and he told Victoria (a Russian speaking Ukrainian woman who came over yesterday to help me) that he was looking for his package of "documentas." Everything that belongs to him right now is of great value to him. Watching how content Scott was in our hotel room that first few days together, having just a FEW toys to play with, I can clearly see how we mess things up for all of our kids by having too much stuff.

John and I really thought it would be helpful to have a Russian/English speaking person at the house several days/ week to help Scott transition and maybe not be so frustrated with not being able to communicate better with us. I was also dreaming of me going to the YMCA this morning to sweat some of this stress off while Scott and his same language speaking little lady would blow bubbles out in the yard. I was hoping that, spoken in his own language, he'd understand that mommy will be back in one hour. I promise. Victoria said that in Ukraine a parent will leave something behind of value with a child to assure them that they would return. So I gave Scott my nice watch to wear. That didn't work - he wanted to go with me, to ride in my car. I asked if he wanted to drive the electric Barbie car by himself (a really dangerous alternative). He told Victoria that no, that was a little car and he wanted to ride in my big car. It would be easier, TEMPORARILY, to let him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, and laugh it off when he does the James Dobson's expression of "a willful act of disobedience." The boy's not dumb. He hears us and understands us say, "stop turning that light off and on, ect." And he is taking my (and John's) every response into his little head and determining if mom and dad mean business or will Scott rule the house? The good thing that is coming out of his continual testing of boundaries is that Cooper and Brady are acting better than ever. Either they are appalled at what defiance looks like when someone else is doing it or they can tell mama is about to crack (which they know is getting close when i start praying out loud in the midst of a child crisis!)

Something good to write about - my precious daughter, Kelly, offered to take Cooper next week so that I can focus on Scott (while Brady is away at camp as well). That makes me cry just thinking about it. I so want this "family" thing to work out, and I know that it will, but it tears me up to see how hard this is on Brady and Cooper. I am certain, in time, with whatever help we need, that family life will be wonderful (if we live that long to see it). But it's difficult to explain to Brady and Cooper, what I am trusting in faith will happen. Another good, we are all healthy and I do believe that Scott is happy. He told Victoria that he loves his beautiful room and bed and all his toys. He also told her that his parents (his mom and her boyfriend, I guess) hit him and would not give him food. Oh, dear Lord, thank you for the privilege of giving this precious child a home. Please give us grace to make it. Teach us how to love this child unconditionally and fervently like You do. Thank you for your Holy Spirit that equips us to do all that you ask us to do. Amen.